Hahahahah Chantz. Classic. I had a similar problem, but your setup is more basic than mine. I was cascading routers. I had to do a bunch of resets on them – My problem was that the computer would say connected, but nothing would work, wireless or wired. Most of the time I would just unplug each part, PC, router, router, Modem – and I mean unplug, not just shut down/off. Waited about a minute. And then boot them back up in reverse – Modem, router, router, PC. That finally worked for me. Obviously you have one less router, but it might work. However, from the sounds of it, you have already tried this.
I just want to make sure you are unplugging the modem and router, not just pressing the reset button. The other option is to move your IP address outside of the….damnit i forgot the word…but I had to do it with my PC side to get it to connect to the intersweb.
One final option – reinstall windows – but that would be a last resort. You could also call the DSL company and play dumb and say it was working, which it was, and now its not.