depression and suicide

When I first went to college I had similar *edited* happen to me, without the attempts. This is completely normal when you leave things you love or realize you love. Do you have a good support network?

Don’t bother with most anti-depressants because DRs have a bad way of prescribing the wrong ones.

What have you done to “keep yourself occupied?”

lockEm said:

about halfway through he stopped and called my dad in and said there was nothing he could do for me and recommended I go back to the emergency room and possibly be emitted to an institution LOL.

LOL

No friggin way.

Few things lead to me think he is a quack. 1) His main priority would have been to schedule multiple sessions no matter your condition. Every psych does this, they need “repeat” costumers just to make a living. They also need multiple sessions to truly figure you out. You could be the devil and be completely insane, and most psychs would want you to come back if not to try to help. 2) While it may or may not have been true, a psych like that is in no position to tell you to get committed. Especially after one session? How the hell would he even know you?

I would before you do anything (ie. antidepressants or whatnot) find a second psych and see what they think. Like “de nudes” said, a good psych can help a lot. A bad one can make things worse.

PS. I tend to have a highly negative look on psychs. I’ve only been to one or two that actually seemed to care and didn’t just seem interested in my wallet. Might just be Connecticut for you.

Bottling is some of the worst repressive nature you can do to yourself and others. Because once that goes off its going to explode like a grenade.

What you need to do Right now

Is Stop everything your Doing

Take a break from your life, take a real vacation to Find yourself

Find a way back to the part of your life that you really care about

Figure out how you lost it and if you can get it back

While at the same time reach for the ropes that will pull you away from your sorrow and doubts about life

(Find new Things that interest you and will bring you slowly back, forcing change is hard…and changing things in your life done right will slowly help you heal)

And try to understand that life is a very deep labyrinth with unlit paths that are hard to understand at times but they are leading you

Where they lead you is up to you…You just need to push threw everything else

Other people wont understand you, they wont know what you have been through…even people who have gone through the same things will never be sure.

Because when the dice is thrown, only you will see the outcome.

And these outcomes must be your Decision and what you really want

so says the “- Life’s what you make it”

And i have been to 5 psych in my life for trying to commit suicide…They didn’t help me, for one i sat in a room for 2 hours just playing board games….-.-

I love all the *edited*ting on psychs its hilarious.

If you don’t want to help yourself you will not receive it. You have to be willing to change things and from what I read so far I would suggest trying a group psych session. That way you can see in a real perspective that there are other out there that are willing to help and people who are in your shoes.

am i the only one that doesn’t feel sorry for this? Dude, i’m not going to beat around the bush. There are thousands of people in your exact same shoes. Hell there are millions (even billions) who have it a thousand times worse. You lose a girl, it’s not the end of the *edited*ing world. You lose your job, *edited* happens. You don’t finish school, not the first time that has happened to someone. You are suffering from an inflated ego, and that’s what you need to *edited*ing kill. The world doesn’t revolve around you man, and that’s okay. You know the saying, whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. well it’s true. This self loathing bull*edited* won’t do a *edited* thing for you, there is no quick fix, there is no pill to make you feel better, nothing but yourself to pull you out of the hole you are in.

Unless you have been raped by your dad multiple times when you were a kid, quit *edited*ing crying, stand up, and live life. Ending it because it’s a little tough, is *edited*, cowardly, and incredibly backward.

I’ve been through these thoughts, and while it’s tough, it’s cureable. I’m no jesus, but have you tried any spiritual remedy? Meditation, praying, getting back to nature. Hell even if you don’t believe in God, at least acknowledge there are some really good things in the world to appreciate. A walk in the park to clear the mind definitely helps at times like these.

But yeah inflated ego. I’m no doctor, you don’t have to believe me, but it is what it is. You aren’t those emotions you are feeling. You simply are. “i am”. Repeat that and i bet those feelings go away. Those convoluted thoughts, racing, feelings of depression, developed by that little voice in your head. Silence that and i bet you feel just a little better. <—that’s how you meditate if you didn’t realize it.

It takes time though, don’t let yourself simmer in misery. Don’t believe the emotions and thoughts you are feeling are true. Because they aren’t, only temporary. Every feeling is temporary, it’s just a matter of how long you want to hold that emotion. Let it *edited*ing go dude. Poof. Go get some boobs in your face and feel better already!

lockEm said:

I don’t believe in God, but I went for a long hike in the woods by myself not too long ago after it rained (it was beautiful out) and it did feel really good afterwards, but unfortunately that sadness came back.

 

Hopefully this weekend involves drinking and partying.

If only one hike could cure all depression lol. Unfortunately good emotions are temporary as well. But notice when you felt good in the woods versus when you felt bad. It’s still the same you! The only difference were those emotions. All of which were temporary. Like Bitey said, stop worrying about the temporary bad emotions you are currently feeling and look foward to those good (even rare) emotions that you feel when you hike.

I won’t tell you what to do, but drinking definitely will make things worse. Don’t fret over it though, just a heads up for if/when you are hung over the next day feeling like *edited* lol

but yeah depression sucks. I don’t deal with it so much any more as i deal with just random freak outs. I think i’m a little OCD or something. Whenever i see a scratch or mark i don’t remember getting, i automatically think its cancer or something morbid lol. That and I have to work out almost all the time to not feel like i’m dying. If i miss more than a couple days i lose it lol.

That is a good place to start, just so I know where do you work and what do you do there? Sometimes a job can be your X-Factor the thing that is dragging you down, and it gets even worse when you are already in a negative state of mind. I mean I hate my job right now, I am living pay check to pay check with it but I know that I gotta have it so I keep going to it. As soon as something better comes along I will be moving on to something else. Taking a week off and planning to do things you love is a great idea, try every day to not stay in bed and mope, get out and enjoy your hobbies and if that isn’t working call up a friend, and hell if nobody is available get online and play some games with us, anything to keep from having to be alone and letting the silence and sadness take over.

My girlfriend for 4 years has been battling depression and anxiety ever since she originally left for college 4 years ago.

There have been ups and downs, but she is radically better than she used to be.

Other than finding a great support network between friends, family, and loved ones, I honestly think that finding a good psychiatrist is one of the best things that you can do. My girlfriend has learned so many things about herself and about the reasons behind her anxiety and depression just by going once every week or two. If your insurance will cover this, I honestly feel like this is one of the best roads to take. You can’t get better until you can find the root of the problem, or at least get closer to it.

My girlfriend ended up changing schools, changing her major to something she felt passionate about, and she graduated on time from school a few weeks ago.

Like what Duendes said, find something you love to do and see if you can incorporate that into your future goals. My girlfriend ended up majoring in musical theater and received her elementary education degree, hoping to teach K-5. You love guitar? Try taking some music courses; perhaps look into the teaching cert’s needed in your state. It’s never too late to go to school; in a world like ours, there is an increasing demand for employees with degrees.

My older brother has been going through depression recently due to complications with his health, and I think he realized the first thing he needed to do after recognizing his depression was to seek a psychiatrist that could relate to him and he could be open with; I honestly thing this is one of the most helpful things someone can do.

If you need anything, LMK. I’ve witnessed how hard it can be to go through something like this.

PS. Don’t listen to a Dr. that tells you early on to go to a mental hospital; If anything, a place like that is more scarring than helpful for a disease like this. I’d suggest finding a Dr. that doesn’t want to push you off on someone else. Like I said, find someone that can relate to you and you feel at least SOMEWHAT comfortable with; you’ll learn to trust them and open up a lot more.

lockEm said:

Thanks guys. This week does feel a little better already.

Interesting…

NuRayZ said:

am i the only one that doesn’t feel sorry for this? Dude, i’m not going to beat around the bush. There are thousands of people in your exact same shoes. Hell there are millions (even billions) who have it a thousand times worse. You lose a girl, it’s not the end of the *edited*ing world. You lose your job, *edited* happens. You don’t finish school, not the first time that has happened to someone. You are suffering from an inflated ego, and that’s what you need to *edited*ing kill. The world doesn’t revolve around you man, and that’s okay. You know the saying, whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. well it’s true. This self loathing bull*edited* won’t do a *edited* thing for you, there is no quick fix, there is no pill to make you feel better, nothing but yourself to pull you out of the hole you are in.

Wont lie didnt read 100% of everyones posts but im with nurayz on this one. Been there done that more times then I really care to count. What worked for me and seems to work for other people I know who were in similar situations is to take a break from life. Next step and this one is a little harder is to say f**k it and move to a different city get back to school and reinvent yourself. Sound lame but honestly it works. I know you mentioned money issues and really student loans are not that bad of a thing. If nothing else they server as a tax wright off later on down the road.

I meant to post this last night after you created the thread, but I saved my response:

It’s funny that write you about this because I’ve been depressed since the 5th grade (and for those of you don’t know, I’m 26) and it’s gotten much worse in the last few weeks. My current therapist theorizes that Asians don’t really consider or don’t believe in depression or mental disorders. My father is verbally abusive, so this really *edited*ed me over as I was growing up because 1) he didn’t stop because he thought I was just being lazy in school and that I don’t care and 2) my parents rarely sought help. I saw a counselor at school once in the 10th grade and then I started going to a psychologist in 11th grade and that lasted only a few months because I didn’t like her and how things were going. Since my dad thought I was just being lazy, he would call me names and insult me all the time and this just made me feel worse and my grades continued to be poor.

I’ve gone to counseling in college for two semesters, but it was usually late in the semester, so I didn’t get help for long. I just started again two weeks ago. I’m currently being evaluated for ADHD (I’m not hyperactive, but I am inattentive) and while the psychiatrist does see some elements of ADHD, the characteristics of depression and ADHD can coincide, so I have to do some stuff to help determine what’s what.

Anyway, ever since I was young, I’ve often thought about how I wish I wasn’t alive. I don’t think of killing myself and I have never hurt myself before because I find it scary and I don’t have a desire to die. But sometimes I kept thinking that if I died or something happened to me, my dad would realize how badly he treats me and maybe he’ll treat my siblings better. Lately, the thought of me no longer being here has been popping up in my head more frequently and I’ve been under a lot more stress than ever. Yesterday, I was supposed to have spent the day cramming for an exam that I was supposed to take today, but instead, I was sitting in the empty study lounge and crying. I ended up emailing my professor and explaining my situation about counseling and requested to withdraw from the course, which he is allowing me to do. [Note that “yesterday” was really Sunday and “today” is Monday. Like I said, I typed this up, but never submitted it.]

I deal with it by talking to my boyfriend and my Drs about it. I’ve also kept a journal since I was in the 5th grade (I think my mom kinda knew and she introduced me to the idea of keeping a journal), so I write down my thoughts there and less personal stuff on a blog. I used to keep it all bottled up, but in recent years, I’ve started to talk more to a few select people about it. As for your question about how long it lasts, it varies. For me, I’ve been this way since I was 10; we were going through some problems when I was young. I’m seeking help, though, so I’m hoping it will end soon.

I feel better today than I did yesterday (but still pretty down). Maybe I just needed to release some stress. I think I know how you feel. I oftentimes feel helpless, hopeless, and I have no motivation for doing things. However, my boyfriend, who has also been my best friend for years before we started dating, gives me support, and makes me feel like life is worth living. We are extremely alike and it’s taken us 8 years to confess how we felt for each other; we plan on getting married and I look forward to a life with him. Being depressed still makes it difficult to bring myself to do things because I lack focus and motivation (and there’s other stuff involved, like anxiety, but I won’t get into it), but that’s why I’m back in counseling.

You’ll find that something or someone that makes you feel the same way. You just have to be around for it.

That’s the end of what I’d written on Monday. Here is what I’m adding based on other people’s comments.

First, it’s not forever. You can get better, but don’t expect it to happen right away.

Second, don’t rule out the psychiatrists (or psychologists) as a resource when you’re feeling like this. I’ve seen five so far and while I didn’t like them all (but they weren’t bad), some of them are really helpful. The two that I’m currently seeing (one psychologist, the other a psychiatrist) are both Indian and as fellow Asians, they understand the *edited* that I’m being put through, which I think is awesome. I don’t have many Asian friends, so I don’t know many people who can relate. I can talk to my siblings, but we’ve all had different experiences growing up. I was telling my younger sister about my relationship with my dad a couple days ago. In the past, she has taken my dad’s stance on my behavior and it hurts because she couldn’t see what it’s like for me. Her childhood was different than mine and I think she’s my dad’s favorite kid, too, so she’s always gotten better treatment. Anyway, even if you don’t find someone who can relate to you personally, having a third party who’s not emotionally involved makes for a good listener. When I try to talk my problems out with a family member, rather than listening, they start telling me about events that happened, but from their perspective, or offer reasons for why things happened the way they did. Anyway, it really helps having someone who can relate to me culturally, but also not a friend or family member.

And lastly until I can think of something else, yeah, other people might be in worse situations than you, but that doesn’t mean that your depression isn’t valid. I can see why people say it, to try to cheer you up, but I hate that argument because it belittles YOUR feelings. I’ve dealt with a *edited* ton of verbal abuse ever since I was a little kid and not really much physical abuse, which I guess I’m lucky for, but my dad’s “parenting” has been a total mind*edited* and I’m stuck dealing with depression and anxiety. There’s lots of other *edited*, too, like I said before, but that’s the main stuff. Yeah, I’m fortunate that he’s not the kinda guy who beats his kids like some parents do or worse — or good thing I’m not poor or starving or whatever else people tell me I should thankful for — but it doesn’t make me feel any better. It sucks for the people who have *edited*tier problems than I do, but I still have problems and they are still there when I wake up the in the morning (or even while I’m dreaming, which is really annoying).

tl;dr – Your feelings are valid, you can overcome it, don’t let a bad experience with one doctor turn you away from counseling (srsly, wtf is wrong with that *edited*), and what if you kill yourself, but the next day was the day that things were gonna get better? You never know when it’s gonna happen, so hang around and find out.