Toranky-
I can relate to the father bit. I’m a 2nd generation Asian-American as well and the the two societies sometimes doesn’t mix well while growing up. Most parents who move to the states usually come from a less relaxing, collective society that is very different (& opposite) to the more relaxed American individualist culture. A big reason as to why people move to the states is because of opportunity. For example, if your born poor in vietnam, you usually stay poor no matter what you try to do wherease in the states, a kid in the ghetto can end up living in a mansion in Bel Air. Basically what I’m saying is your parents and their parents grew up trying to pursue very hard every opportunity that comes up, which came around very rarely. Now in the states, that’s everywhere so there are constant opportunities popping up regardless of how big they are (eg: ever see your dad grab a big ol’ handful of napkins from McD’s? or find a sale on strawberries and buy practically a crates worth?). There are other aspects that each society oppose such as forms of discipline (eg: it’s okay to hit your child in Asia but in the states that’s a HUGE sign of child abuse). Also the whole favoring one child bit which seems to be a trend with Asian families. Well, my dad came into the states with the same mindset coming from Malaysia with parents from Communist China who both were in the military during WWII. There was one summer where he saw the local store selling steaks for 99 cents a pound, filled up our freezer with them, told me that was my meal for the summer (June to August) and took off. He’s a doctor and yet he still desperately grabs those little opportunities. Now what I’m getting at here is that these 2nd generation kids end up living in two different & contradicting worlds at the same time, which easily leads to confusion and depression.
Sorry for that rant but it was meant to briefly explain the subculture of 1st, 2nd generation Asian-Americans and a bit of 3rd generation even.
It was frustrating for me as well Torank. My dad refused to believe that I had a learning disability and disciplined me greatly when I couldn’t figure out the simplest things. I couldn’t comprehend what my name was until around 1st grade but my nonverbal IQ is the top 99.999 percentile (low verbal but insanely high nonverbal ring a bell to anyone?). Heck, I was off-enough to believe I was more of a nuisance to the world (by comparing the amount of “happiness” & “upset” I caused) and I was better of “not existing” so I tried to become hypothermic by opening my windows during the winter and taking off my warm clothes (this was still around 1st grade so I had no sharp objects in my room). My dad did his fair share of “mind*edited*s” as well. Once, he brought me to a Best Buy and said I could grab any number of DVDs that I wanted. I was happy beyond belief and grabbed what I wanted. Later that night, my dad came into my room, took all of the DVDs and said, “You’re no longer allowed to watch these”. I never could understand what he was disciplining me for to this day. Anyways, the mix of the old world and the new caused confusion about who I was and it didn’t really help with creating relationships with other kids in school. I’ve gotten much better, set a series of goals in my life and figured out who I really am. I still get short periods of depression but I’ve caught exactly what triggers them and now try to avoid it when I can(I would have to see a counselor myself if I wanted to come to peace with it, but I don’t have the time, $, nor do I want to proceed with it).
We live in a society where we need others to keep us going. Torank, it’s great that you have your boyfriend to help support you in numerous ways, but I suggest you add to that list of trusted friends. As of right now, you’re putting all your eggs in one basket and I can already see problems with that in the future for you.
Bitey- stress can lead to depression but at least many students can relate to each other about the loans issue and normalize it.