Although it is a significant issue that you have, I feel as though I can’t give as much help that I like without talking to you specifically about how you go about your days and such. It’ll be interesting if we can all help out Lockem in this topic & somehow keep it private from any outsiders.
I have been in a similar situation in which my own stubbornness has caused my fall into depression & the inability to communicate with the support networks that were available. Psychologists/psychiatrists can work, but only if you have a good one & you’re 100% completely willing to open up and work with them. Off of the OP, I can sense a form of nihilism. We basically need you to find your niche in the world.