So i was bored and bent Bitey’s ear, but don’t think i’m too awesome as i ripped it off someone else…i’ll post the orginal so ya’ll get to enjoy it. I added teh names and some details
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: So
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: i’m gonna tell you a story
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: of Sir Rainey the Pally
[Team Awesome]Bitey: lol
[Team Awesome]Bitey: lets hear it
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: werd
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey the pally was the laughing stock of the group
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: he wanted to be the best pally ever
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: and he tried SO hard
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: no one could deny his effort
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: but he always failed
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: especially at critical moments
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: always rolled the 1s
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: anyways
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey and his party were in a village and bad guys were’acommin
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: and they were like *edited*
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: we gotta do something
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: rainey stays in town
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: they figured he could do the least harm
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: there
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: they went out to get help from the nearby kingdoms
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: they were each lured
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: one by one
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: into traps
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: by their own vices
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: The Barbarian Major was killed by the multiplying cookie curse
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: they exploded his stomach
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Dice the Wizard was killed by a misscast in which he had written the spell down wrong
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: and Lastly
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Lemmelton the Bold
[Team Awesome]Bitey: lol lemmelton
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Died trying to rescue the hot princess in order to gain favor with her
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: so
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: the task was left to Rainey
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: the one person
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: no one wanted to rely on
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: wat would happen
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey wasted no time
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: he rallied the villages
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: polished his armor
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: and got ready for the *edited* to hit the fan
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: and would it ever
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: the entire orc army came over the ridge and waited
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: a vampire dragon screamed overhead
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey knew
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: that had to go first
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Grabbing his bow
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: he bound abjure undead to his arrows
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: and fired while running away from the village on his horse
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: the dragon roared out in paine
[Team Awesome]Bitey: with an e
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: and swooped down to attack raine
[Team Awesome]Bitey: nice touch
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: i can’t stop it
[Team Awesome]Bitey: I think it is effective story telling
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey saw this
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: he stood on the staddle, miraclously passing his atheltics check, and waited for the dragon to get closer
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: when it was just about to hit him from what whould have been his back had he not turned around
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey leaped up
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: sword raised high
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: and tore the right wing terribly
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: but the dragon slapped Rainey cruely with it’s tail before it went crashing into the trees 100 feet in front of Rainey
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Screaming out curses in the tongues of old
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: curses that would make your heart stop if you knew what they were
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey limped over as fast as he could
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: and the dragon was pretty beat up, the trees having brutally broken both wings and the impact with the ground ruining it’s claws from being effective
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey delivered the coup de grace and began to heal
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: carelessely
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: he always made the dumb mistakes
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: as he did
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: the orc general came up
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: 8 feet tall
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: built like a tank
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: a sword as tall as a man
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: what looked like a stone wall for a shield
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey knew he had no chance
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: not in his best condition
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: could he win
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: but
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: he could not give up
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: but…’
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: the Orc leader spoke
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: in a voice that was felt more than heard
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: “you, foolish human, shall die here
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: no one will remember you
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: fight as you might
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: it matters not
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: the village will burn
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: and no one will care about your death
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: “
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: and so
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: they sqaure off
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey, limping and bleeding, vs a killing machine
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey holds his sword over his head
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: everything he has in this one blow
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: he casts the die
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: 1
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: he casts the die again…to see what fail he had
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: 1
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: he ROARS WITH RAGE
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: THROWS THE DICE AT THE WALL WITH SUCH FORCE THEY SHATTER
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: the dm has the *edited*eatting grin that Rainey had always hated
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: the dm rolls for the orc
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: then
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey hears the dice
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: groans for the inevitable failure that was his north star
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: he sees the DM grow solemn
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: he looks at him and says “i chopped my head off didn’t i?”
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: the dm says
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: player and adjacent target die
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: Rainey
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: the failure
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: cut down the biggest baddest orc in the land
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: in an exchange of blows never forgetten by orc or man
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: they killed each other
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: : )
[Team Awesome] {- Umbrella Raine: that’s it